He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
