If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
