Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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