he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
