Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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