Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
