wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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