I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
