so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
