My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize