Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize