i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
