u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
