My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize