i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
