"it" just moved
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
