Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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