just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
