Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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