I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You ruined the universe
Randomize