i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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