I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize