pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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