He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
