we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
