I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
