Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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