This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
