I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
