Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
