I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
