I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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