We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
