Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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