Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
