his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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