he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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