i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
