He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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