Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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