oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
