I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
