Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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