I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize