Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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