It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
operation have a gay friend backfired
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
