YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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