Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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