when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize