I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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