My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
