4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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