We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
