who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize