I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
