I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
