I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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