He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize