You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
