So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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