My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
