tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
