You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
