I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
