Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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