the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
