from now on my penis is your penis
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
