I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
