I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
