I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize