the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
