I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
