Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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