no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
