i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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