what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
