The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
