I cockslap morals
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize