Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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