i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
