Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
